Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
