look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
