My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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