he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
