The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
