I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
