I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
