My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
