three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
