i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
