Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
