Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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