I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
