i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
