So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
