Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
