I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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