So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
