Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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