she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I only lived at night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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