I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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