my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I only lived at night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
