i think my tv is drunk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
