I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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