Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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