why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
