his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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