Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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