I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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