I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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