I think I won the penis lottery.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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