I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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