I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
