I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
