Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
