i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
