In America we eat man semen.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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