Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
