do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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