ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
