Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
