My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Small penises have feelings too.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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