He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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