dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do herpes really smell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
