you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
