Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
