Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
