Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
