Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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