Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
