Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
