i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
