There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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