There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
